Values in life...

I do not advocate any religion. I was raised confused. (No offense!)  My mother was religious, my father an agnostic. Growing up I made a 'friend' in God because I did not know how to pray. I didn't know what to do with him. I got a decent education, acquiring a lot of knowledge and information. But I was launched into the "world" without any values of my own. I think that's what religion gives to people. I don't know, but that's my recent realization after meeting a few Christians, some with very strong set of values. I was like what the f***! 

After my feeling of awe subsided, and I stopped evaluating their behavior, I started investigating the role our values play. Values give us a strong and stable base to shape our lives, like the pottery wheel does for clay so that a beautiful clay pot can be made. They dictate the non-negotiables. Things that make you-You. How to set boundaries? What not to compromise? What is wrong? What is right? While I met people with similar backgrounds in India, say Hindus in this case, the values seemed to align, but oh boy, USA was another launch pad. Looking for love without a clear definition of my values was the worst mistake I made. I had no clear idea of what I wanted until too late. I fell in love with a man who didn't have the same values as mine and who shattered my self esteem one step at a time. 

He expressed that he wanted to spend his life with me, and I m not talking in a jiffy. In the moment it seemed like he knew what he was saying and intended to see it through. Since one of my values at the time (and still holds true) dictates that I offer my 100% to 'my partner' I loved him with all my heart and soul. There were some very beautiful days, and then there were days when we couldn't understand and support each other. I went on believing that the fights will resolve in time as we gather a better understanding of each other; because my values told me that no matter what, we will figure it out because he said he wants to spend his life with me, so naturally he will see it through. Little did I know what was coming. I got so sidetracked and focused on 'us' that I almost forgot who I was. Or what I wanted or needed in my relationship. I kept taking all the blame, until one day it wasn't enough. Nothing I did was enough and everything was my fault. He wanted a life with me but didn't want to work for it. He didn't want to understand my values or my upbringing, or what love meant to me. He was a great person, just did not understand what love meant. I wish him good luck and I hope he grows in time. I hope he learns that 'nothing worth having comes easy'.

So next time you decide to pour your soul into another person, ask them what commitment really means to them? Discuss with them what support means to them? Ask them if they know how to forgive? Ask them if they will be capable of loving you, if one day you lost yourself and couldn't support them for a while. Ask them if they will be able to forgive you if some day you accidentally killed their pet (not that I killed his pet, but it's a good way to understand how they deal with anger and grievances). Ask them what growth means to them? Observe how they treat their mother and family. If they don't respect their mother, RUN...... Trust me I thought I could change that, but I was so wrong. Above all, never try to shrink yourself for them. If you can't express your struggles, and grow with them in an early stage of your relationship, you will not grow with them later. Find for yourself what you will not sacrifice and see if they can match you. Find your values.... 

I have finally realized that our values make us who we are. I wish it came to me earlier and easier. While I am a strong headed woman who doesn't take 'no' for an answer, I have a lot to demons that I need to defeat. And off-course I made mistakes, but only I know how much I apologized. But I am not scared anymore and I am not going to look back because I learned a lot. Don't fall in love with potential. If your values are different, you may both give your 100% and still lose. If there was one lesson you could take from my journey its this:

Don't spend your time trying to seek forgiveness from a hurt person. They don't know how to forgive and they will keep dragging you back to their dark place. Their pain has become their identity. If they forgive, they won't know what to do with themselves. Wish them well and let them go. It's not cool to be cocky about what you know. (Lol... this might take a while to sink).  

Just another blog entry.... October 2018

I moved to the United States of America in June of 2017 to pursue my Master's in Architectural Design and Research. I met all sorts of people and made all sorts of bad judgement calls. But turning 28 this week, I feel I am just not sorted when it comes to love. A friend recently said this to me,

"We are all irrational when it comes to love."

- Artika Aggarwal

There are all sorts of things that one comes across when addressing feelings and love. I know there are no right answers. There isn't a go-to manual to find solutions to the matters of love. 

I recently moved to the City of Indianapolis for work. I had a lot of very compelling reasons at the time. While my friends have always been my lifeline, it has been very difficult to find the right people at this age and time. Sometimes I wonder if I met my childhood friends now, will we still be friends.

Hence, I keep in touch with my old friends. Since I have the ability to face my fears and talk about them, I get all sorts of advice. No advise is incorrect. But no one can ever tell you what is right. You need to do what is right for you. After 27 years I still go out of my comfort zone to make others happy. I wish I would stop doing that with immediate affect and listen to myself more.

They say love is blind. I think what it really means is that people are stupid and since we can't take responsibility of our own actions we get blinded by love while calling love as blind. I have the tendency to get deeply involved when I care about people. I recognize this quality now and then, but I have hurt myself trying to come to this realization. That is one of the reasons why I try to mind my business and put on a poker face.

I don't have the answer for what works in love for me, however I have figured out the recipe for failure. Pinning your hopes and expectations on your partner is going to drown you. You should always be independent with your plans and aspirations. Never expect someone else to make you happy. They will always fail you. The sooner you understand this, the better off you are.

And, talk to your mom. It may feel overwhelming and sometimes intrusive, but talking to her is comforting (works for most women at least). I am the detached kind. But recently I have been putting conscious effort to talk to my mom and old friends. While not everything was successful, some of it was. 

We are alone in different corners of our planet. What keeps us together is efficient communication, respect and the power of apology. No wonder 'sorry' was invented. It does not undo anything, but it helps you move past your mistakes; and become a better person if you want.

Under construction..(literally)

If we can steal a moment of happiness in our imperfect lives, that’s to live for. We are all seeking something. And expecting and over expecting from ourselves, slowly going away from our truths.

If you are a squirrel you cannot become a rabbit. You can may be get close. But on your journey don’t forget that you started a squirrel. Otherwise you will be nowhere and one day you won’t be able to relate to any of them.

I have embarked upon a journey where I am discovering new things about life and myself on a daily basis. I am talking about very small things, probably insignificant to most, but some of those have been a challenge for me.

I recently discovered my love for cycling, I found out that I have become selective about people, my brain has refused to understand the feeling of 'LOVE' but friendship it understands. I realized how happiness sometimes becomes subjective. I found out there is so much joy in facing our fears. I discovered expression. I discovered myself.

I believe it comes down to what makes you happy? What is it that can make you feel comfortable. Happiness comes from within. Only you can make yourself happy and no one else. Whether you choose to be with someone or away. Whether you choose to work or travel. These are all conscious decisions we take all the time which govern our happiness. Still, we complain and we sulk. When I go into that mode, I read a quotation I have stuck on my wardrobe.

" When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness". - Echart Tolle.

I think this guy said it first. But its brilliant. For many years I was oblivious to it and never gave any thought to my feelings or what I felt or why i feared what I feared. 

We understand our true potential only when we are bestowed with responsibility. But not just potential, we also understand our fears. The fears we have been hiding away from. Running away from like they were ghosts. These ghosts will keep haunting you till you learn to face them. They will keep smacking you from behind in the most unwanted manner till you learn to overcome them or give in. 

What I also learnt along my journey was that everyone is there but If you are not helping yourself, no one can and no one would and I think no one should. If you can't fight your own battles, no one would fight them for you. It's high time we start getting comfortable in our squirrel pants and stop craving for the rabbit's coat. Its only furry on the outside, inside it feels the same. 

It boils down to? 

Being comfortable. Being accepting. Being compassionate. Being patient. Listening more. Observing more. Being down to Earth. Being thankful. Being fearless. Expressing yourself. Having the courage to speak if something is wrong. Saying 'NO' to something you dislike. Being accommodating. Being considerate.

Women's Memorial, Museum and Learning Centre

The last semester in college is everything but fun. I could manage research for a while when I was enthusiastic about it but the mindset of people, the way they look at you when you describe the intent of a women's memorial. I remember this last jury when I had to present my idea and I was quite unsure of my design and no one was interested in my ideas or concepts. Everyone wanted to know why a 'Women's Memorial'? I am not a feminist. Frankly I don't even understand feminism completely or why being a feminist is considered to be so negative.

I took up this topic because i\I was moved by a particular incidence of rape against a woman in Delhi in december 2012 which occured while I was searching for my thesis topic, but more than that its a daily affair which occurs in many lives leaving a deep impact on our minds.

We all seek for that one thing in life which makes us different from others. When the gangrape incident happened I felt a change in myself. A feeling of constant unrest which would not go. Though I am not related to it in any way but I could still not sleep properly for many days. Everytime I looked at myself in the mirror I felt scared, I felt very unsafe, to the extent that it haunted me in my dreams. It is because of this fear that I decided to do a project as such. It intrigued me too much to bring about a change that I took it up as one of the most important projects of my college life.

People think the topic is amazing because I am trying to do 'something' for women. But it is much more for me. It is an act to make all those who are not respected, feel empowered. Those who are dismissed because they look 'weak' when compared to men. A woman is often dismissed from a gang of men because they think she doesn't belong to it. I have seen this more than once around me, in the educated society that I stand in, men are unable to give women, who by all means are equal or above them, the respect they deserve. We often forget our roots or that one person we grew up being so fond off. I don't have any disrespect for men but for those who think they are superior to women because of their gender I don't have any respect. This is well said but is worth repeating that, women have established themselves in every field and are no less than man in conducting any kind of work. What they want from the society is appreciation for their hard work and not mercy for being the so called 'weaker gender'.

I for one have taken up this project because I believe in myself. I believe that I can explain to at least some people that a woman is different to that bird caged in our house we pet for our entertainment. A woman is as human as a man. She too has the ability to choose for herself and speak for herself. She has the ability to express her emotions fully, which doesn't make her weak but gives her the ability to express herself truly. If you hurt/rape a woman you are not proving to this world that you are superior, you are only proving how incapable you are in exercising control on yourself and how shallow you are in strength and character.

Settlement Study

Study of Bhrmour, the ancient capital of Chamba
Group members:
Mohd. Rashideen Saifi
Nishant Gautam
Swati Goel

www.scribd.com/doc/40205013/Bharmour-ToS

THEORY OF DESIGN

questions for interview with the architect....

1. Which year did you graduate from college and where?
2. What is your take on the traditional architecture of India in comparison to the contemporary architec ture?
3. What do you have to say about the designs of the latest CWG architecture?
4. What do you have to say about architecture by frank o’ gehry and Frank Lloyd Wright?
5. Where are your design ideas inspired from?
6. There are many definitions to contemporary architecture, what is contemporary according to you?
7. What is your inspiration in arriving at a design, anything specific?
8. Is a master’s degree of extreme importance after graduating from the architecture college?
9. Is extensive use of glass and steel in contemporary architecture advisable in the context of India?
10. Or do you think we should revert back to the traditional use of stone or bricks?
11. What do you think about the growing emphasis on sustainable architecture in India?
12. Could you share your experiences you had during your latest projects in NCR?
13. Are any of your projects more close to your heart as compared to others?
14. What is your advice for the budding architects?

swati goel
tanuj biyani

What is being Urban???????

we are URBAN............

:)

are we URBAN??????

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